UraIchi Drabbles
by jyannetto
Summary: Random drabbles based on random plot bunnies concerning Urahara and Ichigo.
1. Father Complex

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach. If I did, all you would ever see is Urahara and Ichigo sexing each other up. XD

**Title:** Father Complex  
**Rating:** PG-15   
**Characters/Pairings:** Urahara/Ichigo, Isshin  
**Word Count:** 1036  
**Warnings:** pervert!Urahara, "overprotective"!Isshin, very slight citrus  
**Spoilers:** Chapter 186-7 of manga  
**Summary:** Isshin catches Urahara draped over a naked Ichigo.

**Authoress's Note:** Eh. I meant for this to be an hundred-word long drabble. An hundred-word short drabble. Er. Whichever floats your bloat. But it ended up being slightly over 1000 words. Mostly because I am not succinct and it takes me ten gazillion sentences to convey a single idea. I'm hopeless.

This is my first BLEACH fanfiction. Takes place sometime after the Soul Society arc of the anime and briefly touches the subject of Kurosaki Isshin in the manga. Isshin may not be overprotective of Ichigo when it comes to physical fighting and whatnot (_Chapter 187, page 10_ for evidence), but I think he'd want to castrate the poor man (in our case, Urahara) who took away his stubborn son's virginity. Of course, I also happen to think that Isshin would be all to happy to celebrate Ichigo taking _insert random BLEACH female character_'s virginity. But that's because it's Ichigo being dominant and ultimately proving that he is a man. In this case, since Urahara's the seme I'm going to characterize Isshin as the typical overprotective father of teenage girls.

Be warned. Not BETA-ed, but proofread once through. Still, peer editing is the best for filtering out inane errors. I am known to be subject to grammatical errors (much to the chagrin of my English teachers) and I am hopelessly in love with commas. Although I tried not to overload this particular fanfiction with commas.

* * *

Yoruichi had warned him. In hindsight, it would have benefited everyone had he listened to her. Why was it that she was always right when it came to things like this? Must be her feline instincts. But whatever it was that influenced her unnatural sixth sense Urahara decided that whenever he should get the urge to prompt Ichigo into bed, he would consider the warnings she uttered as he left for the Kurosaki Clinic. It would do both him and Ichigo good, all things considered. Really, who would have thought that Isshin had such a father complex.

It wasn't a surprising fact, if you considered Ichigo's younger twin sisters. Of course Isshin would be protective of them. They were daddy's little girls. But he hadn't expected the ex-Shinigami captain to be as protective of Ichigo as he was of the youngest Kurosakis.

Naturally, since Isshin had allowed Ichigo to travel to Soul Society in order to rescue Rukia, Urahara had assumed that the elder Kurosaki had acknowledged Ichigo as a man. And along with that, an acknowledgement that Ichigo no longer needed his protection. Well, Isshin probably realized Ichigo could take care of himself the minute he started dodging Isshin's kicks and began to fight back. Unfortunately for Urahara, Isshin was apparently still sporting the protective instincts every father has for his children. And it was Isshin's misdirected paternal instincts for his eldest child that explained the dark bruises and minor cuts that Tessai was currently treating.

He hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, now that he thought about it once more, he realized that his current predicament was all Ichigo's fault. After all, it was _Ichigo_ who had decided that he wanted to take shower. And it was _Ichigo_ who was scantily clad with only a white towel draped around his hips when Urahara had come to visit. And it was _Ichigo_ who was looking particularly irresistible. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't control his animalistic urges which told him that he had no other option other than to pin Ichigo to his bedroom floor and start molesting the young Shinigami.

Ichigo's scream of surprise at having been pinned by Urahara and the thrashes that followed after he fully comprehended his situation had woken up the elder Kurosaki. Did every father chase the person draped over their naked son around with a scalpel in one hand and a wooden sword in the other? Or was it just Kurosaki Isshin that was subject to this particular eccentricity.

Had Urahara not been the ex-captain of the Twelfth Division, he was sure he would have gotten more than a few cuts and bruises. Isshin's face had told him that Isshin wanted to castrate him—or anything else that might require brutally severing his testicles from his body. Maybe he shouldn't have attempted to justify his actions by casually stating that Isshin would have done the same thing if he ever found himself in that kind of situation. Pervert Isshin may have been, but pervert he was no longer.

Cuts disinfected and bandaged Urahara sat and sadly contemplated how he was going to get his daily dosage of the younger Kurosaki male. He was determined not to provoke the elder Kurosaki into a livid rage, doing it once already. He supposed Isshin also prompted Ichigo to fight him to keep his Shinigami skills in tact. Not that Isshin would ever let his aforementioned skills rust, as he had proven today. He still had a death to avenge.

Drawing out a long sigh, Urahara concluded that there was no possible way of indulging in Ichigo without inciting the wrath of Isshin's protective instincts. Even if he were to trap Ichigo in the shop, Isshin would sense his son's reiatsu within the same vicinity as Urahara's. And he wasn't entirely positive he could get away with just a few scratches scattered here and there as he had tonight.

"Urahara-san?"

Urahara resigned to combing his hand through his hair. The younger Kurosaki was going to be the death of him.

Although this just might be the small opportunity he had been wishing for. The store's current occupants, aside from Urahara, were asleep; he had Ichigo all to himself in, what he considered, an empty store; and Isshin was far away from the both of them. Smiling with glee at his fortunate circumstance, Urahara answered Ichigo's previous call.

"Hai, Kurosaki-san?"

"I just came to apologize for my old man …"

"And you wanted to continue doing what we were before your father interrupted us," Urahara cut in, lips forming into a wide grin.

"Nn." Ichigo moved to nod his head, then realizing what he had acquiesced to he immediately stopped, blush tinting his cheeks. "N-No! I meant no!"

"But Kurosaki-san, it would only be polite to apologize for the horrible atrocity your father committed to your lover's body due to your failure to inform said father about the daily happenings of your life. Or should I say nightly happenings of your life?" If possible, Urahara's grin grew wider. Call him a pervert, but he was absolutely reveling in the flustered noises Ichigo was making.

"F-f-fine! I'm sorry."

"Ne, Kurosaki-san. I would rather you sitting on my lap when you apologize."

Ichigo's face took an a redder hue. With a countenance tinted by an angry blush and a pout, the orange-haired Shinigami slowly made his way to Urahara's lap. "I'm sorry. Are you happy now?"

"I meant _naked_, Kurosaki-san. After all, they say that sex is the best treatment for minor flesh wounds."

"And just who the hell says that!"

"Why, I do!"

"I take it back! I'm not sorry. My old man was right to try and harm you!"

"You don't mean that, Kurosaki-san. If your father had gone through with his intended plans then I wouldn't be able to do this." Smirk on his lips, Urahara proceeded to ravish Ichigo's mouth, calloused hands slipping easily under said teen's shirt.

Urahara sensed the elder Kurosaki quickly making his way over to the shop. He would have to finish things quickly if he ever wanted to have Ichigo moaning and writhing underneath him again. After all, Isshin was known to have a father complex.

* * *

_La Fin_

**Authoress's End Note:** Eh. It didn't exactly turn out the way I imagined it would. But hopefully, Urahara fits his role as the perverted old man, and Ichigo fits his role as the … erm … the molested person that the perverted person goes after! And when it all comes down to the basics of the basics of characterizations, aren't those the true roles of Urahara and Ichigo? XD

The plot bunny for this particular fanfiction is abnormally happy, since after breeding and producing more of the same plot bunnies I finally got around to writing it.


	2. Sisterly Inhibitions

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach. Therefore I do not own Ichigo. Or Urahara. Or their naked bodies. Although I would absolutely _love_ to see their naked bodies. Together. In bed. Having hot man smex.

**Title:** Sisterly Inhibitions  
**Rating:** PG-15   
**Characters/Pairings:** Karin, Urahara/Ichigo, slight Jinta/Yuzu  
**Word Count:** 866  
**Warnings:** extremely irate!Karin, mention of _naked_ men draped over each other   
**Spoilers:** None  
**Summary:** Karin notices two of the male residents of the Urahara Shouten have taken a romantic interest in two of the Kurosakis. And is not very happy about it.

**Authoress's Note:** Set before the premise of Father Complex. I have so many random plot bunnies running around my head and this particular one was born right after I finished writing Father Complex. How convenient. Plot bunnies are useless to me. I want smut bunnies! Anyone want to trade? _Give me the smut bunnies!_

Proofread once through. Still prone to grammatical errors and comma abuse. And run-on sentences. Characterization is not my strong point. But I seem to adore harming Urahara. XD

As for the title. Karin has inhibitions about perverted old men and pre-pubescent boys sexing up her family members.

* * *

Anger was not even _close_ to describing the emotion Kurosaki Karin was experiencing. She was infuriated. Enraged. Incensed. Vexed. Irate. Acrimonious. Embittered. Irascible. Splenetic. Huffy.

Huffy. She liked huffy. Huffy was the perfect adjective to describe the ineffable anger she was feeling. It wasn't a complicated word, like acrimonious, which was apt to attract blank stares from her peers if she was ever heard using it.

Che. Using a sophisticated adjective would probably also induce blank stares from her father. Who would then proceed to shower the large memorial of the matron Kurosaki with nonsensical babbling, concerning some idiotic notion of future teenage rebellion from their dark-haired daughter since she using elaborate words, and that was a sure sign she was going to turn over to the "dark side" in her teenage years.

A nice kick in the head would cure her father of the the foolish ramblings he was prone to sometimes. And that in itself would be satisfying. But her father wasn't anywhere _near_ her vicinity. As such, Kurosaki Karin had an immense amount of anger bottled up in her petite frame, which would probably explode and bite someone in the ass at the slightest provocation.

Growling, Karin proceeded to abuse a tiny pebble in the road along the path to the Urahara Shouten. Stupid mannerism-lacking, Karakura Red-wannabe, red-headed brat. How dare that insolent buffoon muster up the courage to ask Yuzu out on a play date. And how dare he do it far away from Karin! Dimwitted brat though Jinta may be, Karin had no doubt that he knew Yuzu was too kind to deny anyone anything.

Paling considerably that the thought, she determined to never leave the Clinic without a scalpel in hand during her teenage years. It would come in handy when she came across a horny Jinta trying to coerce her sweet, innocent, naïve twin into bed. She was going to love castrating him the second his hands started wandering inappropriately on her twin's body.

But until then she would casually wait at the Urahara Shouten for the two to show up. She was positive Jinta wouldn't dare drop Yuzu off at the Kurosaki Clinic, partly out of fear for inciting the wrath of herself (which really didn't matter seeing as how she was already incensed at him) and partly out of fear for inciting the wrath of Ichigo.

It was puzzling how someone so imprudent as the Karakura Red-wannabe brat could keep a job, even if it was one working at a low, run-down shack in a distant part of the town. The manager of the shop—she vaguely remembered Ichi-nii referring to him as Urahara-san—was even more idiotic than Jinta if he thought that he would be able to run a successful business if no one even _knew_ where the shop was. Ha. She desperately hoped the red-headed idiot would starve when no money was pouring in. That would show him no one asks Yuzu for a play date behind Karin's back. And gets away with it.

Now that she thought about it, the manager of the shop was an even more creepy and perverted bastard than Jinta. Oh well. The perverted old man with his perverted old grin (though she didn't no exactly _where_ she had seen his grin) was nowhere near the Kurosaki family …

…

…

…

Oh. Horse crap. Buckets and buckets and loads of horse crap. Ichi-nii. The stupid perverted old man was _always_ smiling his inappropriate perverted old grin around Ichi-nii. Damn it.

_Thud._

Was that a thud coming from the Urahara Shouten? A thud. In the Urahara Shouten. Where Jinta and Yuzu probably were. Damn it. Karin _knew_ she should have brought a scalpel with her.

_Thud._

_Thud._

Vein popping and anger pumping adrenaline through her body, Karin stomped into the shop, determined to castrate the perverted red-headed brat with her bare hands if need be.

_Thud._

Gritting her teeth, she burst through the flimsy excuse of a door, prepared to brutally rip the testicles off the pre-pubescent brat.

_Silence._

"Ichi-nii?" Karin whispered, eyes wide with shock.

"Karin? Er … Eheheh. What're you doing here?" At least Ichi-nii had the nerve to look ashamed.

Karin averted her eyes from her very _naked_ brother to the equally _naked_ person who was draped over her brother—the perverted old manager, who _always_ seemed to have a perverted old grin on his face when he was staring at Ichi-nii, of the low, run-down shack that the perverted pre-pubescent red-headed brat, who was currently out on a play date with her naïve twin, worked for.

To say Karin was angry was an understatement. Goddamit, she was huffy!

"WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR OBSESSION TOWARDS MY FAMILY!" And with that, Karin proceeded to kick the perverted old man in the shins. Hard.

Urahara's howls of pain rang loud through the night air and Karin felt her lips form a Cheshire-cat grin at having been the person who caused the perverted old man's pain. That would teach him to molest Ichi-nii.

Now, she had to somehow get the same message across to the perverted red-headed brat. The Cheshire-cat grin grew even wider at the thought.

* * *

_La Fin_

**Authoress's End Note:** I seem to have an affinity for a Kurosaki causing Urahara bodily harm. Poor perverted!Urahara. He can't seem to conduct any nightly excursions with his strawberry. I feel sorry for him. I should make it up to him. singsong voice Ichi-nii's going to get molested by the perverted old manager/singsong voice

So why Karin? Because she plays soccer. And because getting kicked in the shins hurts _liek_**WHOA**! And I happen to like her kick ass attitude. Plus she would be the perfect candidate to harm the person draped over a naked Ichi-nii. Next to Isshin, that is. Eh. Don't worry though. I'll have Ichigo kiss all of Urahara's boo-boos away. (But first, I must conduct some research! On how to write lemons! … How do people go about writing lemons anyway?)


End file.
